I think I'm broken...

I tend to be an emphasize-the-positive-and-ignore-that-bad-happens blogger. This is different than being an optimist and it's not real. So here's how I'm really feeling right now. To preface know that I love my life and my sweet spouse, my adorably good kiddos, I know Heavenly Father loves me and I'm not going to do myself bodily harm (unless the pan of rice crispy treats counts). But boy am I in a funk right now and I feel like nothing in my life is working really well. Examples:

Ellie is getting up every two hours at night (and FOR two hours sometimes) and I don't know what's wrong or how to make it better. Worried it's because I'm running so much and don't have enough milk because she always acts starvingly hungry too.

I ran a 10K on Saturday (in 1 hour and 3 minutes- the one bright spot in this story) but now have lost all desire to run. Could be that I lost 20 pounds but have lost NOTHING in the last almost 4 weeks (and no, my clothes don't fit better so I'm not losing inches or gaining muscle). Could be that my feet are killing me because I need better shoes and yet I can't shoe shop with 2 kids. I'm not good at shopping without kids. I need a team of people forcing me to try on one more thing or I'll go get a Wendys frosty and then go home.

Our computer is slower than a Leapfrog laptop toy and I'm trying to do a project online and my computer won't cooperate!! I want a desktop computer that can take all the pictures, music and other data that I throw at is like a man.

Carter's preschool is difficult because he's about 1- almost 2 years younger then these kids and they don't treat him well. It breaks my heart and again I feel so helpless because you can't make someone be nice (though you can remove them from the situation)

I feel like I cannot get a handle on my calling as organist- I suck it up (excuse my language) every week and want to cry when I'm done. I practice- why am I not getting better????!!!!! Besides the obvious reason I guess, that I don't know how to play the organ.

We are in the middle of a gas crisis and I have no idea how all these other peeps find gas but I tried three different days, almost ran out of gas trying, finally found gas but had to wait in a 50 car line for an hour and now feel like I can't leave my house until we are out of crisis mode.

Those are just random examples, I could go on but I won't. My baby, whom I love, just woke up from her whopping 20 minute nap and is screaming upstairs. I just feel like I don't have much control. We have been trying so hard to have FHE and pray and read our scriptures but somehow I'm missing something. Maybe I'm not listening well enough? I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog but if you do- any advice?

Best friends (aka Sibilngs)...

I could entitle each post "My heart is full" or "My heart is in my throat about to come out of my eyes in liquid form" or "No one told me being a mother could make me so stinkin' happy". I love to see my sweet kiddos interact together. Carter is the sweetest big brother. Always wanting to talk to Elise or show her a toy or put a sticker on her head- and she can't get enough of him! Today I was getting jealous because I was trying to talk to her and whenever Carter would drive his cars close by or say something she was craning her neck to see him and smile at him. I started giving them a bath together (I put Ellie's special tub in the big bathtub) and they were a riot! Carter would holler "squish" as he squeezed the water out of his washcloth and Ellie would laugh hyserically! Over and over and over. When I'm getting ready or making dinner I ask Carter to talk to Ellie and he'll lay next to her and let her play with his face and he'll make her laugh and she'll babble at him. Maybe Carter is just old enough or maybe they are just kindred spirits but he has never tried to hurt her, even on accident, and he never gets upset with her or the attention that she needs. I was so afraid to mess with the happiness that Joe and I had with our sweet little Carter, little did I know about the joy of siblings.

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Lessons from Brittany...

My sister Brittany is 2 years younger than me and I had so much fun growing up with her as my best friend, though we did have your traditional sibling love/hate relationship at times:). She is a great example to me of patience, she's not afraid to admit when she's wrong, she says what she thinks and is a great friend. She is never fake- if she's happy you know it and it's contagious and if she's not happy- then nobody else is either:). She is most likely the best mom I know and every time I look at her blog or talk to her I get new ideas from her on how I can be a better Mom. I love that she LOVES being a Mom (good thing too since she's fertile as a rabbit:) and that she still has the imagination of a child. I love that Carter loves her and that almost half of his pretend phone conversations are with her though he only sees her about once a year. She has a lot of confidence in herself and she isn't lazy- she always has at least a dozen projects going on. She has faith, she knows when times are hard that there is always something to learn from the experience and that Heavenly Father loves us. She loves her husband, they have a solid relationship and she supports him in whatever he does. Don't you all wish you could have a Brittany in your life?

More Brittany-inspired things that make us smile...
-"When bears get up in the morning" & "Good morning" songs (Carter calls them Brittany songs)
-We often have masking tape roads all over our floor for our cars to drive on, another great Brittany idea
-starfall website (GREAT fun & educational for kiddos)
-Sliding down the stairs on a mattress- those twin mattresses just barely fit down a standard staircase and it's something everyone ought to do once
-She introduced me to "They might be giants"- good running music I've found
-Me on piano, Britt singing- growing up, rarely did a day go by without that scenario happening (I miss it...)

blogging 101

So I started this message about my sister about a week or so ago and just went to publish it today and couldn't find it on my blog page. Come to find it WAY down below because blogger publishes by start date, not finish date. Good to know in the future...:). SO- I have written something new, it's just down a ways!

Beautiful Baby...

A lot of people have been asking to see what our baby girl looks like these days. She looks adorable, of course. She is a smiler and she laughs when I sing "Popcorn Popping", she's also ticklish under her armpits. We call her Ellie, Eli-belly, Belle(short for belly), Eli-bear, Eli-bearnana- pretty much anything but Elise:). Carter loves his baby sister, he's been sick and it is SOOOO hard to keep him away from her! He regularly tells me that Ellie wants him to hold her and when she cries he will hold her hand and sing to her. And he will talk to her and reassure her- adorable! She is 4 months old and almost 16 pounds. She is totally a mama's girl- my left arm is my Ellie-carrying-arm- though she is smiling more and more at her daddy. She is a great sleeper/eater and we are so happy that she is our little babe.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My Main Man

Yesterday Joe and I celebrated our Fifth Anniversary. With 2 kiddos, employment, and a house things are not as simple as they were five years ago when we were married. We got married right before our senior year of college at BYU and we LOVED that year of school together!! We walked to school together, had lunch together and had fabulous friends we would regularly hang out with. Though we don't snuggle or smooch as often as we used to- I love Joe more now than ever. I love seeing him as a Daddy, and I love that he loves being a daddy. There is a lot that I love about Joe, he is such a good example of forgiveness. And he is open to change, and not afraid to say he is sorry. He is truly interested in people and their lives and makes people feel at ease. His laugh can be heard across long distances, and he always makes me laugh:). He helps me have confidence in myself because I know he loves me and values my thoughts and opinions. Love you Joe.

Friends

We were lucky enough to have some friends from college come to visit us this week! The Rylanders moved to North Carolina a few months ago and braved the six-ish hour drive to come play with us for five whole days of kids-running-all-over-the-place fun! Maria, Isaac (3)and Abby (almost 2) came on Wednesday and Richie joined us all on Friday. Maria and I worked out every day (I'm trying to talk her into a half marathon with me), we took the kids bowling, the moms got pedicures, we watched olympic coverage and we got a babysitter and went on a double date (which was so fun though I think we were all exhausted, kids have a way of doing that to us parents:). Carter enjoyed having friends to play with, and learn to share with. Isaac has a little crush on Ellie (notice his arm around her:) and all you twilight fans will know what I mean when I say we think he may have imprinted:). It was wonderful to be with some of our core group of friends- we have missed them and are so glad to have them close (well, closer at least)!