Oh yea- I have a baby

I realized something today- I have a baby. Lately I have mentioned how well life works with 2 kids- we're in a good routine, everyone is happy and life is good. Sure life is easy when my only ambitions are making sure the three of us are fed, clean, napped and have had sufficient toy/play time. But, when I get cocky and try to actually do something for me or someone else and it's a mess (important side note: I don't clean my bathrooms, vacuum, sweep, mop, grocery shop, etc:). Examples:

---I was in charge of teaching 2 crafts at Super Saturday. Sounds easy enough until you thrown in that I live 20 minutes away from the church, Super Saturday is about 6 hours long and Joe doesn't want to be shuttling a nursing baby back and forth to me every 2 hours (can't blame him) so I end up with Ellie on my hip as I try to teach women how to sew aprons and make bracelets (which you need TWO hands for).
---My Mom has had complications from her brain surgery and subsequent stroke and we want family to be there with her in the hospital 24/7 but again, I have a nursing baby and all I can do is wish I were there and send lots of prayers her way (good news- she might be out of the ICU today which is HUGE cuz she's been there for almost 2 weeks now- yeah Mom!).
---For those of us who couldn't do our Super Saturday crafts we had a little get together today to finish our projects which was a huge joke for me because- oh yea, I have a baby who is a constant fixture in my arms (thanks Carter for being a trooper though!).

I don't mean to complain, I love my little chunk and I know I used to have alone time and hobbies I could pursue and that time will come again- I just forgot that when you have a baby you really are semi useless to the world for a number of months (years?). I also know that when these days are gone I will grieve for the time when my children were content being held, danced around the room and having raspberries blown on their tummies. So stay little Elise (and Carter)- and if I ever say something silly like- "I'll teach that class" just remind me that....I have a baby.


Here's Carter sharing his blankie with his sister:)

Smiling

These socks just make me happy. Who thought this up- they are adorable! Carter is in the "hey look at me" phase where he wants me to watch all his cool tricks and Elise is SO ticklish under her left armpit. Those are the other things that have made me smile today. What are you smiling about?

The Glad Game...

Here is my new motto for the day--"How can life be bad when it is so darn good?" Thank you so much for your comments and phone calls. I am so blessed to have good friends and family and I don't utilize that support enough. It's amazing how much better life looks after an evening with friends (even with the kiddos), good night sleep (Ellie must have known I was about to snap) and my sweetie back in town. Here's why life is going to be okay:

Joe is so good to talk things through with me, he reminded me that a highly effective form of torture is sleep deprivation- somehow that makes me feel better (instead of feeling crazy:). I wouldn't last 24 hours being tortured this way before I'd crack and blab everything. Good thing I know nothing.

To be fair to Ellie, she was sleeping 8-11 hours at stretch until about a week ago and last night she slept 12 hours only waking up once. It's because she sleeps so well that a sudden bout of sleeplessness throws me so much.

There is no defense to be spoken for our computer or the gas shortage or my running- they both suck (sorry). But I am going to take Rachel up on the offer for running help!

I KNOW I am supposed to have this organ calling. I may butcher the songs every week but I get to truly enjoy the sacrament in a way I haven't for almost 3 1/2 years- without children. And Heavenly Father knows I need that . But I still feel like I owe a public apology every week.

Carter played with friends last night and he is over playing with a friend right now and he is so happy about it. And when he's happy, I'm happy. It's hard to know what is best for your kids and as parents we just have to do what we feel is right. Even if it's different then what everyone else is doing or if we seem to overprotective.

I am so grateful that this weekend is Conference weekend. I know we have a wise Heavenly Father who knows that my batteries are getting low and I need a spiritual recharge. And thank you Bonnie for your comment, it really got me thinking. Today I've probably cried four times but it's because I'm grateful for what I do have. Maybe sometimes you have to get real low and humble before you see just how bright that light is at the end of the tunnel and you can see how immensely you are blessed.

I think I'm broken...

I tend to be an emphasize-the-positive-and-ignore-that-bad-happens blogger. This is different than being an optimist and it's not real. So here's how I'm really feeling right now. To preface know that I love my life and my sweet spouse, my adorably good kiddos, I know Heavenly Father loves me and I'm not going to do myself bodily harm (unless the pan of rice crispy treats counts). But boy am I in a funk right now and I feel like nothing in my life is working really well. Examples:

Ellie is getting up every two hours at night (and FOR two hours sometimes) and I don't know what's wrong or how to make it better. Worried it's because I'm running so much and don't have enough milk because she always acts starvingly hungry too.

I ran a 10K on Saturday (in 1 hour and 3 minutes- the one bright spot in this story) but now have lost all desire to run. Could be that I lost 20 pounds but have lost NOTHING in the last almost 4 weeks (and no, my clothes don't fit better so I'm not losing inches or gaining muscle). Could be that my feet are killing me because I need better shoes and yet I can't shoe shop with 2 kids. I'm not good at shopping without kids. I need a team of people forcing me to try on one more thing or I'll go get a Wendys frosty and then go home.

Our computer is slower than a Leapfrog laptop toy and I'm trying to do a project online and my computer won't cooperate!! I want a desktop computer that can take all the pictures, music and other data that I throw at is like a man.

Carter's preschool is difficult because he's about 1- almost 2 years younger then these kids and they don't treat him well. It breaks my heart and again I feel so helpless because you can't make someone be nice (though you can remove them from the situation)

I feel like I cannot get a handle on my calling as organist- I suck it up (excuse my language) every week and want to cry when I'm done. I practice- why am I not getting better????!!!!! Besides the obvious reason I guess, that I don't know how to play the organ.

We are in the middle of a gas crisis and I have no idea how all these other peeps find gas but I tried three different days, almost ran out of gas trying, finally found gas but had to wait in a 50 car line for an hour and now feel like I can't leave my house until we are out of crisis mode.

Those are just random examples, I could go on but I won't. My baby, whom I love, just woke up from her whopping 20 minute nap and is screaming upstairs. I just feel like I don't have much control. We have been trying so hard to have FHE and pray and read our scriptures but somehow I'm missing something. Maybe I'm not listening well enough? I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog but if you do- any advice?

Best friends (aka Sibilngs)...

I could entitle each post "My heart is full" or "My heart is in my throat about to come out of my eyes in liquid form" or "No one told me being a mother could make me so stinkin' happy". I love to see my sweet kiddos interact together. Carter is the sweetest big brother. Always wanting to talk to Elise or show her a toy or put a sticker on her head- and she can't get enough of him! Today I was getting jealous because I was trying to talk to her and whenever Carter would drive his cars close by or say something she was craning her neck to see him and smile at him. I started giving them a bath together (I put Ellie's special tub in the big bathtub) and they were a riot! Carter would holler "squish" as he squeezed the water out of his washcloth and Ellie would laugh hyserically! Over and over and over. When I'm getting ready or making dinner I ask Carter to talk to Ellie and he'll lay next to her and let her play with his face and he'll make her laugh and she'll babble at him. Maybe Carter is just old enough or maybe they are just kindred spirits but he has never tried to hurt her, even on accident, and he never gets upset with her or the attention that she needs. I was so afraid to mess with the happiness that Joe and I had with our sweet little Carter, little did I know about the joy of siblings.

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Lessons from Brittany...

My sister Brittany is 2 years younger than me and I had so much fun growing up with her as my best friend, though we did have your traditional sibling love/hate relationship at times:). She is a great example to me of patience, she's not afraid to admit when she's wrong, she says what she thinks and is a great friend. She is never fake- if she's happy you know it and it's contagious and if she's not happy- then nobody else is either:). She is most likely the best mom I know and every time I look at her blog or talk to her I get new ideas from her on how I can be a better Mom. I love that she LOVES being a Mom (good thing too since she's fertile as a rabbit:) and that she still has the imagination of a child. I love that Carter loves her and that almost half of his pretend phone conversations are with her though he only sees her about once a year. She has a lot of confidence in herself and she isn't lazy- she always has at least a dozen projects going on. She has faith, she knows when times are hard that there is always something to learn from the experience and that Heavenly Father loves us. She loves her husband, they have a solid relationship and she supports him in whatever he does. Don't you all wish you could have a Brittany in your life?

More Brittany-inspired things that make us smile...
-"When bears get up in the morning" & "Good morning" songs (Carter calls them Brittany songs)
-We often have masking tape roads all over our floor for our cars to drive on, another great Brittany idea
-starfall website (GREAT fun & educational for kiddos)
-Sliding down the stairs on a mattress- those twin mattresses just barely fit down a standard staircase and it's something everyone ought to do once
-She introduced me to "They might be giants"- good running music I've found
-Me on piano, Britt singing- growing up, rarely did a day go by without that scenario happening (I miss it...)

blogging 101

So I started this message about my sister about a week or so ago and just went to publish it today and couldn't find it on my blog page. Come to find it WAY down below because blogger publishes by start date, not finish date. Good to know in the future...:). SO- I have written something new, it's just down a ways!

Beautiful Baby...

A lot of people have been asking to see what our baby girl looks like these days. She looks adorable, of course. She is a smiler and she laughs when I sing "Popcorn Popping", she's also ticklish under her armpits. We call her Ellie, Eli-belly, Belle(short for belly), Eli-bear, Eli-bearnana- pretty much anything but Elise:). Carter loves his baby sister, he's been sick and it is SOOOO hard to keep him away from her! He regularly tells me that Ellie wants him to hold her and when she cries he will hold her hand and sing to her. And he will talk to her and reassure her- adorable! She is 4 months old and almost 16 pounds. She is totally a mama's girl- my left arm is my Ellie-carrying-arm- though she is smiling more and more at her daddy. She is a great sleeper/eater and we are so happy that she is our little babe.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My Main Man

Yesterday Joe and I celebrated our Fifth Anniversary. With 2 kiddos, employment, and a house things are not as simple as they were five years ago when we were married. We got married right before our senior year of college at BYU and we LOVED that year of school together!! We walked to school together, had lunch together and had fabulous friends we would regularly hang out with. Though we don't snuggle or smooch as often as we used to- I love Joe more now than ever. I love seeing him as a Daddy, and I love that he loves being a daddy. There is a lot that I love about Joe, he is such a good example of forgiveness. And he is open to change, and not afraid to say he is sorry. He is truly interested in people and their lives and makes people feel at ease. His laugh can be heard across long distances, and he always makes me laugh:). He helps me have confidence in myself because I know he loves me and values my thoughts and opinions. Love you Joe.

Friends

We were lucky enough to have some friends from college come to visit us this week! The Rylanders moved to North Carolina a few months ago and braved the six-ish hour drive to come play with us for five whole days of kids-running-all-over-the-place fun! Maria, Isaac (3)and Abby (almost 2) came on Wednesday and Richie joined us all on Friday. Maria and I worked out every day (I'm trying to talk her into a half marathon with me), we took the kids bowling, the moms got pedicures, we watched olympic coverage and we got a babysitter and went on a double date (which was so fun though I think we were all exhausted, kids have a way of doing that to us parents:). Carter enjoyed having friends to play with, and learn to share with. Isaac has a little crush on Ellie (notice his arm around her:) and all you twilight fans will know what I mean when I say we think he may have imprinted:). It was wonderful to be with some of our core group of friends- we have missed them and are so glad to have them close (well, closer at least)!

I'm the only one!

Silly as this may be I feel super cool to be the only one with my name!! I'm like Tigger- iiiii'm the only one...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 1 or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I'm also the only one who's underphotographed in this family, I couldn't find a single recent picture of me to add to this post. Isn't that Joe's job...?

Uncle Tyler's Wedding...

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We took a quick trip out to Utah for my brother's wedding the first week of June. Carter loved seeing his cousins and spending a lot of time with his Dad. Plus he got to go swimming, to the dinosaur museum and he played in the fountain at BYU and ate lots of yummy treats from the BYU bookstore. Thanks Tyler and Mara for getting married so we could take a trip to Utah, even if it was too short.

It's Official...

June 1st 2008 Joe blessed Elise in sacrament meeting, our baby girl is officially Elise Marie Benson. It was a beautiful and long blessing throughout which Ellie screamed at the top of her lungs. Joe kept his cool through the whole thing and at the end blessed our baby with patience that she has not yet received:). She was blessed in the dress that I was blessed in 28 years ago and what makes it even more special is that my Mom made it. It was a wonderful day and we are so grateful to have shared it with our ward family here in Alpharetta Georgia. When we moved here I was in the middle of a miscarriage, it was miserably humid and I was pretty sure I would hate living in Georgia. Now, a year later we have our sweet baby girl, we have so many wonderful friends and though it is still miserably humid, now I know I can be happy here, so very happy.

The Test...

The reality that this life is a test was never truer than today. I have had some very special experiences this last few weeks that have taken some of the burden of parenting at this stressful and trying time and I have felt joy in the small moments with each of my kids. Elise is never happier than at 5 am when she will coo and smile at me and I eat it up because they aren't small for long and I am going to miss this- four hours of sleep and all. And Carter hates to go to bed at night so he puts his charm on and will giggle and tickle and hold me (like he's the parent and I'm the 3 year old- pricless to see him act as he thinks adults act, I even get rocked and hushed:). Well, today they collaborated to put my newfound patience to the test- screaming and yelling in the car, at Costco and as we were leaving the pool (why did I do so much in one day?!). I can't say I was perfection but I must have passed because I didn't leave them at Costco or the pool, I stil love them so much my heart aches it's so full and they are both sleeping. Thank you Carter and Elise for allowing me to show that I have learned something, I am stronger than I was before. And it goes without saying that tomorrow, we are not going anywhere...


I tried really hard to find a picture of Carter crying as a baby to no avail. Ellie...

Practically twins...

So we have been wondering who Ellie looks like. I think that as a baby she looks SO much like her big brother did! Do you agree?

My Bo Barter is THREE!!

So on monday, April 28th 2008:), my Carter turned 3!! When you ask him he still says that he is going to be three, he doesn't know that he is already three. I was so grateful that his Grandma's were there because Joe and I didn't get around to getting the kiddo presents (thankfully he'll never remember this year...) and his Grandma's got him great stuff as well as helping to make a great bowling cake (Carter is totally into bowling right now). Carter LOVED the backpack and sunglasses that my Mom's friend got him and Joe does NOT love the baby my Mom got him- but he is taking good care of it. Carter loved blowing his candles out and then he just wanted to play with the miniature bowling set on top of the cake. Highlights of the day included lunch at McDonalds playplace, dinner at CiCi's pizza, staying up late to help Dad put together his new playground and playing with Grandma Benson. I can't believe that 3 years ago I became a Mom for the first time. I remember never wanting to put him down, he was such a perfect little boy with the most adorable round baseball head and big eyes and I didn't think I could ever love more than I loved him. Now three years later I still love his adorable head, big eyes, long eyelashes and seeing him as a loving big brother just melts my heart even more. One of my friends has a quote on her blog that I love and it says something like- having children is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body- and that's how I feel. While being a Mom doesn't alone define who I am, my favorite thing to be is "mommy". I love you Carter- Happy 3rd Birthday!

Elise Marie Benson

In this brief window when our internet is working I'll jump in and post pictures of our sweet baby girl. She was born on April 15th at 11:48 pm. I was induced because I was terribly uncomfortable and they thought she'd be a big girl but the sweet little papoose turned out to be 7 lb 12 oz and 20 inches long. It was a long day but not an incredibly hard one. Joe and I played Canasta up until the time came to push (Sorry, maybe too much information) and my friend from church was our fabulous nurse (she even stayed over 2 hours afer her shift ended so she could be there when our little one was born- thanks again Emily! We hope you have since recuped some lost sleep!!) and my midwife could not have been better- and the end product is adorable. We named her about an hour before we left the hospital and we still call her baby sister out of habit. Carter loves her and loves to hold her- it's hard to get her back from him! We went to the hospital today, after we picked up Grandma Linda from the airport, to drop off some papers and things and when we got back to the car Carter said, "we're not going to return baby sister?". I said no and he was so happy!! Sweet boy, I'm glad he wants her home for keeps. Sorry for those of you we haven't called but should have, we love you but life is a little crazy right now...

Do Not Call List...

We have reached the point in this pregnancy where we just can't call anyone. You know- as soon as you say hello everyone gets so excited thinking you have had the baby and then you get depressed that you haven't and that drives you to eating. Which packs on more pregnancy weight and leads to more depression (viscious cycle...). So I'll just post on my blog instead. The good news is that I am being induced tomorrow, so there is an end in sight- soon we will be at liberty to call people again! Joe's Mom got here Saturday so Carter won't even be aware that we're gone at the hospital the next few days (which makes me both happy and sad. I don't want him to be distraught at my absence but it wouldn't hurt my feelings if he at least NOTICED I wasn't here:). Please keep us in your prayers, I was SO excited to have this baby out of my abdomen but this morning I started to get nervous- I forgot how scary having a baby is...

Easter weekend...

Some friends of our set up a great picnic/easter egg hunt/park evening the saturday before Easter and it was so much fun, we're talking somewhere around 100 people were there! Carter kind of got what was going on during the Easter egg hunt, but really his favorite parts were the park and playing baseball.



He wasn't really into the candy on Easter Sunday either, he carried around his bucket of easter eggs for almost three weeks before it was all gone. The kid has got amazing self-control, we have no idea where he gets it. Joe and I downed a whole box of wheat thins last night, someone needs to start cooking dinner around here- but we'll save the lazy housewife post for later. Grandma Benson sent Carter a whole bag of non-edible goodies (so smart) for Easter and we have read his new Curious George and Thomas the Tank Engine books EVERY DAY since Easter. I think we need to expand our book collection in these categories becasue I have every work memorized. I felt bad about my parenting at the end of the day on Easter though because I know we failed to really celebrate this most important holiday of the year for what it truly is. While we talked about Jesus, it wasn't the focal point of the day. Next year I vow to do it the right way, while still enjoying the lighter side (he will only be 3, though an easter basket full of sugar won't get old at any age:).



Here is the only picture we took of our big boy in his Easter outfit- he looked so grown up it made me sad. Can't he just stay this age forever?

It's Spring (for the most part...)!

So I'm still playing catchup on the last month of our lives, here is another installment. Here's a picture of Carter on the first really warm day we experienced (that would be March 13th). He looked like an hunky little athlete until he insisted on throwing the tie on (aren't those shoes cute- thanks Grandma!). Carter is ALMOST three but he's started talking and reasoning like a much older child. Not only will he tell Dad "but Mom said I could", the other day he refused to take a nap and when I went up to tell him that Mommy was tired and really needed him to take a nap he said to me "Okay Mom, I'll watch Curious George while you take a nap". Really not a bad idea, so we did it- who's parenting who here?


Joe and I have decided to stop pretending we don't have a yard, we now wish we had gone with a smaller lot. Between mowing, raking, planters and weed control we are out there every night, though Carter could not think that was any cooler. He is very helpful, and he hangs out with Dad because his tools are cooler than mine (my trowel can't compete with the lawn mower) so I get to be outside in nature all alone- it's fabulous! We think when we get this yard under control it's really going to improve our relationship with our neigbors...

Considerate sickee...

It's midnight and I'm up because I can't take my happy pills! Carter has been throwing up on and off for hours (sorry for the weak stomached) so I can't fall fast asleep:(. Though Carter has been very kind, he always starts to complain about his throat and bawl before he does his business so we are able to make sure it's contained. What a sweetie. It's so hard to see those little bloodshot, teary eyes and flushed face- as a parent I really do hurt when he hurts. We're hoping for a one night stand so tomorrow we can be all better, but if not- I've promised Carter a lot of Curious George episodes tomorrow...

My Miracle...

So I'm in the home stretch of my pregnancy here and things are getting hairy. I TRY not to complain but my biggest issue is that I'm not sleeping. I say that and you probably don't believe me but it's the honest truth that I sleep an average of 3-4 hours a night and the rest of the time I watch my recorded episodes of "Designed to Sell" and check out everyones blogs. The main issue is that I have restless less syndrome in my right leg but I also have hip pain and overall discomfort. Shockingly I handle the days pretty well, I'm not quite a zomby but I'm not really a whole person either. WELL, yesterday I received a miracle in the form of a tiny little pill from my doctor and I slept for eight hours! And the real kicker is that I only got up once to use the facilities!! Yea for Ambien and yea for my Doctor for prescribing it- I will forever be loyal to him. I only got 15 pills though so this baby better not take her sweet time in getting here, though she can have another two weeks or so if she needs it. Did I mention that it's a girl- a friend of mine said she didn't know and since I'm the worst blogger ever I might not have mentioned it. It is a girl and we have no name for her yet, maybe we should call her Ambien....?

Couple of Months...

So I've missed a couple of holidays and memorable moments so we'll do a brief synopsis starting with Valentines Day. We borrowed a tradition from some friends of ours and had a family fondue dinner- Joe style (which means on the couch while watching TV).


Carter and I took a trip to Kansas to visit my fam in March. It was my last big hurrah before I have to travel with TWO munchkins. We had a great time and Carter LOVED the company. Between Aunt Briley and his new friend Porter he was never bored:). And here's another picture of Carter balaying while Grandma was rock climbing (at least he thought he was:).




Here are some pictures of me trying to cover up my largeness at my baby shower (yes, Joe and Carter were there:). I had some serious doubts about moving here last year but sitting with all those ladies made me feel so blessed. I feel so at home here and I didn't even know it until now.

Darn it- I've been tagged!

Rules: Use only pictures from google image search (I had no idea that was out there). Jessie is lucky I love here because this took me a while! I have a hard time with these because I'm not very interesting and if I were you I totally wouldn't read this whole thing. But I take great pride in having posted before Rachel (the other tagee from Jessie) because she is always so on the ball with her blog and I'm the biggest slacker. Thanks for being busier than me Rachel:).

Favorite Color: Right now I am a big fan of white and yellow. White because it's so clean and fresh and if you wear a white shirt and it gets dirty, our good friend bleach can make it pretty and white again. And yellow because it's so happy. Probably this is inspired by the gorgeous daffodils I've been seeing popping up everywhere.




Favorite Animal: I have always been a horse person. I took riding lessons when I was a teenager (for which I will always be grateful to you mom & dad) and it is my dream to own my own horse. I love a dark brown quarterhorse with an almost black mane and tail. There are horse stables right outside the back entry of our neigborhood and someday soon I will ride again (i guess maybe in the water)!




Bad Habit: Procrastination!! Also I'd have to say not returning phone calls (my family are all nodding their heads emphatically at this point). Do I have to stop there because there are lots more where those came from...





Favorite Food: Rice Crispy Treats. In college I would make a whole 9 by 13 pan for some good studying brain food. Somehow they would be gone in one day and I told myself that Joe probably ate most of them. Pretty believable story, right? But lying to yourself is a sign of bigger problems...:).




Favorite Hobby: Right now it's cleaning and organizing all the crevices of our home. Joe is not so thrilled but my closets have never been so clean! And I know where things are that have been missing since we moved here. I do draw the line somewhere though, my floors never get mopped. Swept- absolutely, but mopped- nope.




Favorite Song: Save The Last Dance For Me- Michael Buble. I pop on my headphones sometimes when Carter goes to bed and listen to this song over and over while cleaning. You can't help but occasionally break into song and dance with Mr. Buble and imagine yourself sambaing around some ballroom floor while everyone admires your smooth moves... Or maybe that's just me...




Favorite Author: Clive Staples Lewis. I had no idea what his first and middle names were until I looked up pictures of him. This man knew what to do with words. Even when it's not religiously based his words still seem to speak to my soul.




Favorite Dessert: Brownies. And I like them in copious amounts, all by themselves without ice cream. I am sounding totally pregnant right now. I've made them a couple of times in the last few months to bring to people and then they come out of the oven and they somehow never leave the house. So I guess I can put lack of self control up there on my list of bad habits.




Picture of Me: This was the biggest bellied 36 week prego lady I could find. If only I looked this good in a swimsuit right now. But I don't know if any pregnant woman has the right to wear a 2 piece at this stage in the game, just an opinion.




So I tag Britt, Bonnie (not having a blog is no excuse, you are about to bear children and that requires you to be a picture hawking blogger), and Rebecca Bliss. I'm not sure if any of you read my blog anymore- I think everyone gave up months ago when I stopped posting!